It’s my daughter’s birthday today. So this morning I jumped on Facebook to leave her a witty birthday greeting before calling her, only to remember…
She killed her Facebook account several months ago.
After watching the negative effect that Facebook and other social media properties has had on some people, I’ve come to believe that there are many others who should do the same thing.
Don’t get me wrong – I love Facebook, I teach how to use Facebook, and spend time on Facebook. I just don’t believe it’s for everyone.
And unfortunately, it’s those who are saying to themselves right now “I’m certainly not one of those” who are right at the top of the list of the people who probably should kill their account (or at least alter their behavior to get a real life.)
Here are some signs that Facebook is ruining your life:
- You have more communications with people in your tight circle of local friends on Facebook than you do in real life.
- You spend more than 20 minutes a day on Facebook.
- Facebook’s the first thing you do in the morning, then you’re back midday, then again in the evening, just to keep track of the lives of everyone in your friends group.
- You’ve ever found yourself saying “not right now, I’m on Facebook” to your child, spouse, significant other, parent or friend
- You’ve ever announced some important change in your life on Facebook before you picked up the phone or met in person with your closest friends and told them in advance (I’m pregnant, I’m engaged…)
- You’ve cut short a real-world conversation with someone you’ve just met (and liked) so you could stalk them on Facebook
- You’ve ever heard some variation on the words “I wish you would stop chatting on Facebook and spend time with me.”
- You’ve ever revealed something deeply personal on Facebook that you’ve regretted later
- You regularly find yourself together with friends, all accessing your own Facebook accounts instead of actually talking with each other
- Your wall has more applications that your friends are playing than real communications with those you like.
- You go on Facebook mostly to do applications
- You regularly choose to chat rather than to pick up the phone and actually talk with someone (or, gulp, actually visit them!)
Tough words? Possibly. Do they apply to you? Probably.
Just wanted to make you think.
Now, what are you going to do about it?
(Remember I love Facebook, and think most people should too – I just think it’s not right for some people!)
I can’t wait to see your reaction to this one! Lay into me by leaving a comment below.
I highly agree with this article. I used to be on Facebook and never felt comfortable putting my life out there. I`m not really a people person but had lot`s of friends on Facebook. People who I used to be friends with in school,etc. Someone upset me by what they were putting on my Facebook page instead of picking up the phone to ask me. So I decided to delete my Facebook account. Best thing I ever did. I soon found out I was not missing anything and I stopped thinking about it. Facebook is highly addictive. It`s like it`s the only thing you can think of when you get up in the morning and all threw out the day. And it`s almost like it`s attention seeking. The only problem now is the rest of my family is still on it. And it`s the main topic wherever I go. I see what your husband put on Facebook. Or I see you and your husband walk a lot. I would ask,how do you know that? Well he puts it on Facebook. Ugh!! This is wear you can share everything in your personal life with your social media friends, who you never associate with at all, and not the people who are in your life. Granted it`s a good thing to have to keep in contact with your close family who you don`t get to see often. But not 463 people who you never associate with. But do on Facebook. I`ve tried getting back on it a few times only because it`s caused so much friction in my life that everyone knows what my husband puts on it and not me. But I immediately delete it again. It takes over my cell phone and my life.
yes it ruined my life to a miserable one 🙁
Men tend to private message me. I was married for 30 years.trauma and a husband who was missing in action caused me to need these people to talk to. at almost 50 I had no idea how to deal with them. It is very dangerous. Typed words get brave.
facebook destroys my relationship
Facebook almost destroy my marriage, hooking up with old mates and spend time only gossiping and posting your problem, I’m closing the account
Facebook is so annoying. I can’t stand it. It should be banned in the US and other countries as well. I closed my account permanently two and a half weeks ago and have deleted all my friends prior to that for about a month. Those people aren’t true friends. They are all people whom I was acquainted with in the past and none of them were willing to be the kind of friends I needed, so I did the logical thing and closed my account and said goodbye. Now, if I want to meet real people without all the known drama of having a Facebook account, I will have to do it the old-fashioned way and go out and meet someone. IMAGINE THAT! LOL
I think if you’re reading this article FB has already ruined your life. That thought was an eye opener for me. I’m deactiving my account. I’m done.
I was offered Facebook shares when the company went public . I refused and replied to the broker that I didn’t care if I got them for 10 cents and and they went to 100 dollars I would rather be broke than own part of the devil
This life wrecking software giant should be banned and shutdown before it destroys another life.
My soon to be exhusband is addicted to Facebook. He is friends with all of his old girlfriends, old friends from his past (not positive people), and posts comments before he would tell me about his problem so he could get reactions from his “minions”. He has become judgmental of me if I don’t agree with his posts bragging his FB friends support him. His posts have become radical in the political arena and are upseting to me. His reaction was to block me from Facebook. He has female “stalkers” that like and comment on every post within minutes and he loves it. I asked him to choose between our marriage and FB. I ma sure you know the answer when I refer to him as the soon to be ex. So sad to loose 15 years of my life to narcissistic behavior.
Here’s my story… my boyfriend of 8 years threw away our life, in my opinion, for his Facebook popularity. He got on my facebook almost a year ago after I left it open on a phone I left at home after I took our daughter an left because of unrelated problems. After I returned back he was already hooked! So we shared my facebook for awhile an than had a what we called a facebook separation. I reopened me another account an that’s when he tried to tell who I could have as friends when he said he wanted me to block certain old male friends hundreds of miles away I did. When he started communicating with female friends from his past that I asked him to block he refused. An when I would get on an block them he would on block them. I guess all in all I feel he took the Facebook social networking too far when I read a message he sent to a female friend asking her to call him as I was asleep with our daughter an than his call log had been erased.I tried my best to get him to see were facebook was leading to although he said it meant nothing to him he never deactivated his account. Now it’s been 15 days that I have left Ga. And living with my daughter an son-in law in Texas. He still has his Facebook account!!!
My wife is on facebook almost the whole time. I work long hours and when i get home my wife is on facebook. I hate facebook! Her “friends” give advise on our marriage even they have only met a few times. They have not been here for the past 10 years and only listen to her side! They have not been there in her times of serious depression and anger issues! I cannot wait for the day facebook dies!
I feel your pain! I introduced my wife to FB so she could connect with friends from college and high school. Huge mistake. And now that she has an IPhone, its even worse. All day long she is on FB, checking status reports, reading news feeds. I try and say something and she goes postal on me. My kids go off to college soon, and I dont know what to do. It’s like I dont exist anymore. I hate FB so much now.
I used facebook as a promotional tool for some of my friends (musicians/artists), whom used to come in from out of town to play a show. I have instagram too but rarely use it because I became board with it. The problem is I find people who utilize facebook most often as a forum of ego stroking. They have inherently self esteem issues and need to be provided with updated validation. I kind have clicked in to what facebook is really about. I now keep in contact with my out of town friends through e-mail.
Facebook has it’s merits but I find out things about people I don’t want to know.
Example: Did you know a mutual friend of ours is a neo-nazi?
Or a women/man you don’t know is now stalking you thanks to facebook. They send you exploitative pictures, have you’re number and address, and call you spouse or common law partner.
Facebook just creates far more problems than it solves. As a promotional tool for a band it’s great but that about the only use for it now.
I’m in a long time relationship (20+ years!). Due to the crisis my husband has been working long distance a lot in the past few years. When he gets home in the weekends, he is tired and hardly communicates. But whenever he can, weekends or during the week, he spends time on facebook.
It feels like he shares his life more and more with all his facebook friends, and less with me. When we spend some ‘quality time’ together, he makes pictures and before I know it they are shared with the whole effin’ world, while in the meantime I’m staring at the walls because facebook comes first.
This is destroying our marriage. He’s not cheating on me with other women, but all his so-called facebook friends are getting all the fun, while I get a tired husband on the couch who doesn’t seem to know how to communicate in real life anymore.
It is like having an addicted husband. His drugs, facebook, comes first. It’s his escape from reality, but in the meantime it is destroying our relationship.
My Wife wakes up in the morning with her phone glued to face book she reminds me of Someone on Drugs that need to be on Face Book every second of her life. She has even gone to the Point of cutting my phone call down just to get back on face book. She stop taking care of the house like cooking cleaning etc….. The new thing is to park in front of garage in be on face book before she comes in the house. So am I the Bad guy was wanting my wife to talk to me instead of her talking to friends 24/7 on Face Book. You Tell Me. Harry smith
For those that say FB ruined your life take a step back and look in the mirror. YOU ruined your life! Blaming FB for allowing you to cheat?! Really? You were going to cheat on or off FB. That’s the problem with so many of you, you don’t take responsibility for YOUR actions! I’ve had men flirt with me on here but it gets shut down with one response. I love how I can reconnect with ppl I probably never would have seen again, BUT I also cherish the time in real life with my husband, family, and friends. There can be a balance if you are mature and not insecure.
Facebook releases peoples inhibitions.Trust is important with someone who is worth it. If u started using FB at age fifteen you may have been smart but not necessarily wise. You could have been emotional and excited about life and connected with a kindred spirit only to find out that one million people were spectators of your connection.GROWING UP ON FACEBOOK with everyone watching is criminal…Mark Zuckerberg needs to stamp out cyber bullying and control the Stalkers and paedophiles online on his site
Facebook ruined my marriage. It was an easy way to hookup with old classmates and cheat.
The true definition of ANTI-social networking. Evil……
and what do you think when a friend of yourself find time to use his fake account and like or comment on people he doesnt know than commenting or liking pictures of his true account ?
How to explain him that its hurting to see his comments and that he is not going to interactive with his true friends ?
You hit the nail on the head…ouchhhh!!!! Its been nothing less than an addiction for not just people who enjoy the crazy new way of interacting, but sadly for all the people who refuse to admit their own sweet little passion with FB and Stalk!!!! Facebook is for stalkers and anti-social narcissistic people who could never have a normal relationship with anyone until now!!!! You are correct fb is not for everyone… (me) cause I really like meeting people, always did, which is why I must say goodbye to my fb friends and stalkers for good & get back to what I do best meet real people….I really miss that part of my old personality, not the new one as a FB boohoooser Yuk!!!!
Facebook should be shut down….it ruins lives…it temps people….it makes people lazy…SHUT IT DOWN.. id give my life if i knew facebook would be shut down just to save others out there from all the stress and hurt it brings.
I soooo agree with you. It’s the worst place on the internet and so many people don’t even get it. Very sad what has happened to humanity…..
It does nothing BUT ruin lives. People cheat with it, lie, get caught up in a web of deceit. It’s definitely NOT for everyone.
My mini vacation was ruined when I received a nasty gram through Facebook through my distant family member. She was told untrue gossip about me just one week before we were scheduled to fly into town. I was upset for 2 weeks, then decided to stay off of Facebook for 2 months, to regroup and focus on more important matters but not before I left a message on the newsfeed that I was not going to be active. Depending on factors I may go ahead and delete the account. I realize that I should have kept a smaller circle of no more than 15-20 people or even less…for less drama and information that really takes up too much of my precious time. I like the fact that I can keep in touch, but the bad outweighs they good, and I’ve fallen in the trappings of being on it far too long.
You know the ones that really get me are the ones who tell people they spend too much time on FB, and then are on there 24/7 themselves. I agree that FB was started with good intentions, and just got lost somewhere. Does anyone notice how people seem so holier-than-thou on FB? Like they are always making themselves to be better than the next person? Plus, FB has caused death, divorce, and countless other problems for people, and like flies on s*** half the world cannot stay away.
Facebook isn’t ruining anyone’s life; blaming the negative side effects of voyeurism on Facebook is like blaming an illicit magazine for giving someone illicit thoughts. If users truly have a hard time getting off social media, then there are far greater neurological concerns than a small boycott can fix.
Facebook is great if you have the right personality for it. But let me remind people that some of us hot tempered people tend to say things on facebook we regret later. I have deactivated my account and now feel completely cut off from the world which is sad because I used to speak face to face with real friends.
I only apply to the top half of those things, so I guess I could could say it’s half ruining my life.
deleting my facebook today for good, I literally saw my parents marriage fall apart (after they’d been married 40 yrs) my mom met up with some old high school “friend,” and had an affair, it was absolutely devastating and will take years to heal from. Sometimes all I see are comments, but not hearing the tone behind it I don’t know if people are trying to be sarcastic or just plain mean. at the same time, facebook can be wonderful. I have a severely autistic son with mental retardation, he cant do much for himself, and its extremely hard for me to have any type of social life outside of facebook, It’s hard to get any type of support outside of facebook, I seriously do not have time for much else other than taking care of my son. But I also know facebook has ruined many aspects of my life and all I thought was true. I’m glad to leave and think that I’ll be a happier person because of it.
This is so true about Facebook. OMG! It can be very fustrating and I find myself temporarily deactiving my account before I have the urge to open it again. I haven’t seen many of my friends in over 10+ years and almost 8 years for my family. One thing that I wanted to mention, if you are already enstranged from some family and friends, Facebook can only serve to further complicate the situation. Enstranged family members sit and lurk on your FB page, waiting to gossip about EVERY facebook status update, instead of actually inviting you to a family event, which leads to further resentment on both sides. The family/friend that has been cut off is constantly reminded of the past (when things were good) every time you upload a new photo with your new friends and new life. If I could suggest anything, make sure to block enstranged family/friends from seeing anything on your page except maybe your profile picture. Make sure to block facebook status updates, and never say anything negative about the family.
I agree 100%!!!! Thank you.
I signed my husband up for FB about 3 years ago because I thought it would be cool for our whole family all over the place could stayed connected..he didn’t even want it. He didn’t go on it really until his birthday came and he got tons of happy birthday wishes he was so blessed! . Then he went crazy and now has over 5000 friends mostly women . He posts mostly Christian pics and his version of a Bible verse or talks in 1st person like he is God. He also post silly pictures of cats and dogs. He is obsessed with all the likes and comments he gets form all these women and he feels real important. He says they are all so nice to him!! He tells me that this is his ministry and it blesses so many people and it blesses him. He post at least once or twice every hour all day! All of our family and people we actually know have blocked him because he post too much. He never comments or likes any of my post or pic of the grand kids or communicates with our kids or family. He is just too busy posting all day and comment on all these women’s comment and responding to each if them by name. We are having marriage problems because of this. He is constantly in his room on the computer and ignores me and my adult children. We have confronted him about it and he just says we are attacking him. We went to a marriage counselor because I asked him,after many many request to time it down, that he needs to delete his FB or leave! He was promising me he would not go on FB and then go on anyways….over and over again!!! The counselor said he needs theray but he went once and refuses to go back because he doesn’t have a problem. He says he is happy and that I am the problem:( I am reading a book called boundaries in marriage and going to a codependent counselor.I am fighting for my marriage!! He has made some changes like not bring in his phone all the time and he had deactivated his FB for the moment. He begs me every day for it back and says he misses all his FB friends (mostly women) mostly overseas. I told him its me or them.., Am I wrong for feeling this way? I am feeling emotionally abused…and he says he feels emotionally abused because I don’t want him to have FB. I have given him different options to have it with our family and people we know but he said that’s too boring:( he said he would only post 3 times a day so I said ok and the 1st day he posted 12 times!! Idk what to do ..I have a lot of anxiety and feel bad that I am taking away his happiness…my adult kids are really upset with him too . I needs some advise please!!!
This just so happened to come up on a google search in which I wrote “Help i’ve ruined the world” But yes, Facebook has it’s ups and downs but the extremes of the downs surely outweighs the ups.
Yes Facebook can be harmful and life changing, but in the end it is best used as it was created; to network with friends socially.
Yours truely O.
Facebook has destroyed many a relationship, I have lost like 5 what I would call where once good friends due to stupid facebook and have fallen out with family members over it in regards to silly status updates of mine or liking pages that ‘Offended’ them somehow,
Facebook is not what it used to be, When it first came out it was all just about adding close friends and family members then as it grew it seems now it’s more of a popularity contest like who can get the most likes who has more friends than who, People showing off more than the other to try and make a point like ‘my life is better than yours’,
I don’t talk to my sister anymore because she didn’t approve of something I had written on there we had a big argument and now barely can even see eye to eye, I still use facebook to update photos of my kids so my family overseas can see their cousins, But I see other people on facebook where it like fully controls their lives, They are on it morning noon and night updating every little detail of their day, Posting stupid shared pictures or what not etc, I think to myself gee have these people got actual lives besides posting every single little thing on facebook?
It seems now all forms off communication is done by facebook or twitter whatever happened to the days where we would just ring up our friends meet for a catch up and then go home? These days it’s like facebook then if it’s not posted on facebook well then it didn’t happen? I think it should be banned or else set up as an actual pre paid account where you have to pay like $10-30 a month or something,
There is just to much drama on it
I agree.
My wife spends more time on Facebook than at work (and she works split shifts most days), and more time on Facebook than communicating with me and the children than I care to share. She doesn’t even use it to chat or catch up with people, she plays stupid games like bubble safari and spy on what everyone is doing.
When confronted, depending on the severity of the talk, we might get a day or two out of her before she slips back into her FB rituals.
There should be a way to ask Facebook to terminate, or at least limit users to how much time they spend on there, because simply, I can guarantee I’m not the only one with this predicament, the social media giant is killing social lives, real communication and at the end of the day, families and friendships.
I really feel for you Freddie. You sound like a good man in a frustrating situation.
Though I’m far from equipped to give advice on this, the thought that strikes me is that she may be retreating into this artificial world to escape her real one. In my experience, when addiction happens, (and it sounds like this is an addiction) criticism and accusations usually push people away. In contrast, balancing that with a significant increase in love, by having everyone in the family work on increasing their actions of love towards the person who is withdrawing so that the withdrawing person feels a greater attraction to return to their real-world life, may help.
Remember, love is a verb. Not a feeling.
Professional counseling with a specialist in addictions, or a 12-step addiction recovery program would also likely help.
Thank you for reaching out. My best wishes are with you and all of the others who have written here.
Don
Great piece! I deleted my Facebook account after having it for 4 years, and my stress levels have gone down tremendously. I think everyone here has a valid point, as each individual will have a different experience. I agree that banning FB will not stop people from cheating or checking out of reality. They’ll find another avenue eventually. MySpace (remember them) had the same effect. I was the FB user who looked at other peoples lives and felt like mine failed in comparison. I found myself looking at everyone’s posts and feeling less and less interesting as a person. Although now that I’m away from all the chatter I realize my life is a lot more meaninful and rich than 99% of the people who post superficial stuff. But in that moment, I felt pretty lame because I didn’t have a new pair of $200 shoes, wasn’t at a great party, didn’t have kids or the perfect husband or boyfriend, wasn’t at a fancy restaurant, or out at the hottest social spot, etc. Then when I posted about what art class I was taking, or what book I was reading, all I heard were crickets. No likes, no comments…..guess it wasn’t superficial enough to be interesting. Sad part is, I’m 42 yrs old…..and all my FB friends were that age and older. People in their 40’s posting about stuff that didn’t span past what a teenager would care about. And as far as actual friends go, I still talk to the same people I did before. I didn’t lose anyone who actually gave a crap. Now…..life is peaceful again. 🙂
No offense to your post and I feel like you make very good points, but some of the comments are a little aggitating. First of all, facebook can only ruin your life if you let it. There is no one telling you what to post or how long to stay on it. Those are personal decisions that people should learn to keep under control. Trying to ban a website due to personal issues you have with it is not very mature. Facebook can help people keep in touch with people they havent spoken too in forever. Sorry to those of you who have personal issues with it, but let’s be truthful with ourselves; If facebook takes over your life you have no one to blame but yourself. Learn to control it and put sensors on what you post, its really that simple.
i would like to say i hate Facebook.it made me feel so disconnected from the friends i had.i lost most of them cuz i forgot to put a like to a post or wish them a happy birthday earliest possible.i always saw people having fun,enjoying their lives,tours,parties,drinks,food,love on fb i started to think my life is bad.i fought with my husband ,asked him to buy me stuff he couldn’t afford,took pictures of meals i didn’t even eat and put statuses like im the happiest but i actually wasn’t.i got so addicted i barely spent time doing something useful. i started to workout and even developed an eating disorder because i noticed most of my girlfriends look great and i dont.i created this fake image of me on fb so people would think im so cool and stuff.finally i started attacking people on facebook.writing nasty things about some of my closest girlfriends who have helped me alot in the past.but one day i woke up and i decided to put an end to this whole facebook drama thing.so i did. here i am today so relieved ,so happy,so independent and with a limited number of friends who really like me.and i feel GREAT!
I also deleted my FB account after one of my supposed closest friends ‘unfriended’ me. How old are we? She was close to 40 and this opened my eyes to her true personality after almost 20 years no less. Plus the constant bragging and oneupmanship that a lot of people use it for. I have come to the conclusion it is a platform for mental illness and narcissism. Maybe a little extreme since I am pretty jaded right now. I do not have teenagers but if I did I would be very cautious letting them join it. As a shy and insecure adolescent I am so thankful this did not exist back in the 1970’s that is for sure.
And then there is me. I could careless what anyone thinks. If they don’t like it, well, they can take a hike. I have deleted more than one “friend”. I only have people I know personally on my FB, I never accept strangers. I do NOT allow coworkers of any form on my FB. I am in control, not anyone else. Honestly, I just don’t give two craps. I will keep using my FB, morning, day and night! LOL
Yep, agree. While I recognize that people did many of those things before the ‘net (watch tv and ignore spouses, etc.) the connectivity of mobile devices and always on computers and laptops just makes it so much easier.
My wife is younger than I am…I sometimes think we’re 2 different generations because computers, fb, email, always on connections came upon us so quickly that those before seem to use it to add to our lives, and those after seem to live in it. Does that make sense? My wife and I barely talk because she grabs her laptop to chat to others in the evening. We’ve been talking and fb chat pops up and she ignores what I said and starts a chat with fb friends….I’m just sitting there thinking “I thought we were talking”.
I’m no marriage counselor, but it sounds like you may want to actually talk about this…
Don
Maybe via chat on fb! Seriously, she knows it, but finds herself addicted…I think it’s a form of escapism….I can and do get hooked on a game online or a forum, and enjoy it, too…but I find it easier to check myself, put down the tablet or laptop, and experience reality. It seems etiquette about one on one real life interaction is being superceded.
I think some of the problem stems from how gratifying the high speed communication is. We “older” generation could hardly wait for a letter from relatives abroad, but now we expect and even revel in the almost instantaneous back and forth.
I disagree with most of your comments. I joined FB in July 2012, and wished I had joined earlier. I live alone, am unemployed, and can honestly say I have found fb to be a life saver. Especially in December, with the countdown to xmas, I felt incredibly lonely and isolated and fb definately helped me. Of course the ideal is to have lots of friends, a social life, a boyfriend etc, but not everyone can do that. I am a loner by nature, always have been, so fb helps me feel connected. I have learned so much since joining fb and all the stuff I subscribe to, the world seems smaller and closer. So, perhaps for youngsters there should be a time limit. I dont see the harm in fb at all. I am thankful to live in a time that has fb, twitter and the rest.
Don’t get me wrong – Facebook can be a wonderful thing for many people. The point of this post was that some people allow it to control their lives and it becomes a virtual addiction. This post helps people to figure out when it is reaching that point for them.
Don
I use Facebook to be in touch with my family around the world. I have cousins in USA, CHile NZ who I wouldn’t keep in touch with without it.
Facebook is a gateway to cheating. I found my wife chatting with another man who she told she loved him. she had told me many times that she will end her FB account, but a month later she is right back at it. I have come to the end of my ropes with this cheating whore. She loves FB more then she loves me. She lies, cheats, steals, and is very manipulative. I hate FB because it has ruined my marriage and gave her a tool to cheat.
Ironically I want to link this to my facebook page.
Feel free!
Don
Facebook has definitely replaced real communication with most people. I have 50 friends and talk to maybe 2 or 3. And I don’t want to talk to anyone else because they are so superficial. Why do I want to WASTE my time doing that. The wasted ones use it to show off. It’s very boring. Little bonding. Most times I communicate I’m being real and sharing how I feel. Facebook does not allow that. Most people misunderstand any real qualities of the conversation. It’s very robotic and cold this social media. It’s replaced relationships, caring and connection. Has everyone glued to a computer instead caring of each other. It’s a place for people with intimacy dysfunction to hide. Why does everyone have to live this way? Misrepresenting themselves.. Looking like selfish backstabbers, ignoring important people in their life so they can get attention from stalkers that don’t give a. $&@) about them. Ignoring their children and family to get attention or to feel famous and popular. For what? It’s a serious grabber for people that have low self esteem. I’m still on it. But have taken my personal stuff off. I just post u tube videos or quotes for the users using. Pun intended. Then I go and hang out and spend real time with my real friends and real family. You know the ones that really care.
Great article. I honestly feel like society is going in this direction either way, I’m just not going to participate in it any longer. Facebook (for some) is just another “social” thing which is really the furthest thing from being social.
Facebook had a serious hand in ruining my marriage.
When my wife first joined, I was very apprehensive about it, I even mentioned that I thought it was going to become a problem, and that it was going to quickly come between us.
Five years later, I was right…she is on the site for hours on end.
She is even on it in SCHOOL.
I wish that she would see that there’s life outside of it, but unfortunately for her, she may never…
I wish my ex nothing but the best.
You’ve been getting comments from all age groups. Let me add on to it. I’m a teenager, and let me tell you, it has ruined not only mine, but all of my friends’ lives.
Facebook makes our age group so self concious and self obsessed. It’s sick! At first it was fun, but now, all people do is take pictures just to upload on facebook and get likes. It makes me sick. People should realize what they’re doing and get out of it!
When you’re on facebook you’re forced to be part of a online community even at times when you don’t want to. I deleted my facebook because I was tired of the fake way it display people’s lives, it ruined my life as I was constantly feeling a stress level and pressure of writing something all the time so you could show your friend circle you had something going on with ya life, mostly bs and fake happiness made me feel sick at the end. I’m glad I deleted it, the only side effects is some people might think you’re a social reject or something cos you don’t share your private life with everyone anymore, and you won’t have the chance to be connected to certain events, updates anymore. But that’s how it is, facebook is not for everyone, certainly not for people who have a tendency to compare themself to others etc.
Good post. The only reason I use Facebook is to keep contact with other city and country friend(obviously, I chatted with neighbor, though). Now I guess it was lame excuse to myself. I should try to talk in person not through Facebook. Thank you for remind me of.
It was somewhat helpful and understandable.
I always make sure that I don’t do such things on facebook for which I regret later….!!!!!
Moderation is the key! Everything is permissable, but not beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). My wife & I have a strict rule that we are not using our phones whenever we are spending time together, family meal times & when I am with our daughter. I love Facebook & Social Media as much as anyone. I am definitely using Facebook more than 20 minutes a day, but that is primarily for networking purposes. I actually keep in touch with my friends. I care about them. The convenience of Facebook really save a lot of time.
Facebook has ruined my relationship. My fiancee is on it continuously. Furthermore it has only created jealousy about past acquaintances, etc. since we are both approaching our second marriage. FB is evil. We are comitted and in love. However it creeps into the middle of the relationship if you let it. Pretty crazy, but I’ve deleted it and am not looking back.
I agree with the article about being obsessed with FB. I was on there like everyone else, sharing pictures, changing my status, letting the world know my every move and watching all of them take theirs. I then became irritated with facebook, i phones, computers and all the technology that took away human interactions. I dated my ex for almost a year, lived together, planned to get married and have children however i watched him spend time on some type of device every minute we were together. He would put it down only if i rolled my eyes or made mention of it-who wants to compete with technology?? It was enough of a strain that he was quiet and didnt share any of his past and kept serious secrets but to replace conversation with me for stalking someone on their FB?! needless to say his secrets caught up with him and he unexpectedly moved out on me-only to then hack into my FB and read my comment to friends and my “relationship change” which i put as “its not complicated, i’m just single again”. At close to 40yrs old i decided to delete FB and live in the real world, I’ll say this I DO NOT MISS IT ONE BIT!!!
Exactly true
Ithink you are completely correct in what you have just expressed to the internet on this fine day.
hahahahahah omg this is hystericl….and yes facebook is destroying lives
I had a reason for doing it as I played in a local band and from gig stand point it was great. posted all our dates and pictures..a great marketing tool..well the band broke up so I messed around on fb for a couple months and I just don’t get it. to the people who like it…I’m happy for you..just not my thing..I did bump into my first ever high school girl friend on there. no I did not have an affair with her. lol . it was fun catching up with her as she lives on the other side of the world from me .. that was the high light.. haven’t been on there in over 2 years..
Facebook should be banned, dosen`t matter if its privacy issues or relationship problems, facebook is never gonna help the situation, only escalate it and make it worse… BAN FACEBOOK… aren`t mobile phones or letters enough to keep in touch with the people you love, socialising used to be fun, facebook has killed it…. KILL YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE NOW… get down the pub and meet people..
i agree with this comment the most. it should be banned.
It seems extremely radical to go and ban Facebook. I think people do have a problem with not being able to live outside their fb profiles, but thats their problem not fb. Facebook doesn’t ruin lives if you don’t let it!
Yes, it seems radical, but I’ve seen a growing number of people doing it, especially as Facebook is becoming more focused on monetizing it. While I’m not predicting the death of Facebook, I do think there are some major issues there that the Facebook team needs to be paying more attention to if they want to keep their franchise protected from the “next Facebook” as it launches.
Don
I’ve never been on Facebook and never had the desire. My siblings and ALL of my cousins are on Facebook, and quite a few of those who are on the site have snubbed me because I’m not. I feel alienated beyond belief. Also, I have several friends who have had to close down their Facebook accounts because its ruined relationships for them.
FACEBOOK IS EVIL. IT WILL PROBABLY BE NOTED IN HISTORY BOOKS AS ONE OF THE GREAT DOWNFALLS OF MODERN SOCIETY, DESTROYING LIVES, ETC.
You hit the bail right on the head.
I have recently killed my facebook, and looking back at the reasons, are the exact same as what you have written…
When you think about your feelings, and how you can put them in your next status constantly… it’s enough..
I can honestly say facebook has ruined my life.they dont have enough privacy on there.you see what happened to me was someone made a fake facebook,well one of those “bustdown pages” and started talking about all of these girls babies saying horrible things..then they pinned it on me saying i did it.i would never in a day say any of the things they said about those innocent babies..and noone believes that i didnt do it,i mean there are people that do but for the most part im still getting blamed for it.and the cops didnt even do anything about it,so who am i to turn to?i feel so helpless honestly..i never thought a social website like this could ruin my life so bad,i deleted it for good.
I think there is a generational difference in the use of and perspective on FB. While it can take others into the digital world and foster communication within that realm more often that what “we older folk” are used to, the interaction between individuals is still “real” and sometimes allows for better and more efficient development of meaningful relationships. I believe that interaction in the digital world can inspire relationships in the physical world.
C’mon, embrace change, people. It is i inevitable.
Well, there are some good points here, but I have to disagree with a lot of them. I could not possible meet in person with all of my FB friends and keep in touch and know what’s going on in their worlds if it was not for FB. I can very quickly know what’s going on with my friends in Prague, Mexico, the UK, Chicago, NY in a matter of minutes all for FREE. Anything in excess is never good. So if you have an addiction with FB, then I think I could start a new reality show.
Who’s addicted to FB? Let me know.
Norma Serrano, Wine Consultant
Ahhl. Very true. Facebook will make people mad if they loose their consciousness while in front of computer.
what we type, what type of content we share, whom we are adding.. everything matters a lot to protect privacy.
– Robin
I’m not ready to give up on facebook,because i need a friend to talk to,but not as a boyfriend,because i am married to a wounderful man that i love so much,Nothing and no one can make use break up,not even facebook.
These were my words exactly, I am happily married and made a helpful comment to a person with a shared interest on a Facebook page via a message. We chatted for a while and it was nice to have someone to converse with outside of my ‘world’. I reckon this won’t be the case with you, but what a huge mistake. Two months later and now, apart from being just a little lonely I am a wreck, with no confidence and emotionally damaged. I couldn’t break away from him, as though I was in an abusive situation. I was vulnerable and weak (and yes, probably, that does sound pathetic) and I was so desparate for ‘friendship’ that I didn’t see the warning signs. My head was unable to function but I was just drawn to this individual like a drug. I wish with all my heart I had never been involved with this ‘friend’ but I cannot turn back time. The danger signs were there from the start and I chose to ignore them at my peril. He was way too clever and devious for me and I suffered so badly.
You gave me some heavy thinking to do on this article. I joined Facebook a couple of months ago. I do play games; yet, I have found people that I have lost contact with. I will spend less time, call people on the telephone and do less on Facebook. Thank you.
Useful post, Don!
I share your wariness of Facebook frenzy and most of your itemized concerns. Facebook is a highly personal tool with a strong, but specific and limited potential for business use. It also can become a poor excuse for a social life used unwisely, especially by kids who really perhaps should be focused on more constructive activities in preparation for adult life, or even playing with like-aged friends, building important interpersonal skills.
I am grateful, however, that there are now so many apps that tie in Twitter and other tools to allow us to update FB without sitting down to a computer and being tempted to surf the site. Of course, this is where the advertising dollars theoretically do come into play. The new level of app accessibility does make it more sustainable in that you can update multiple sites at once and save time, all right from your smart phone. Of course, this does beg the question about time using the smart phone. In any event, personally I lean toward this app-oriented use of the site, even though I do sometimes login–to keep up with family and colleagues, not really so much to make friends. That’s an adult. I also have business purposes for using FB that will only increase as time goes by. I’ll spend more time on those business reasons, in fact, than on personal use, which is already more than I ever thought I would spend (and usually far under 20 minutes in any given day). As a whole, however, I think social media is going to take up a little chunk of people’s time as we learn how to conserve time with it–of course, to get more done. That old technological paradox.
I don’t have kids just yet, but, I don’t think I would allow my child to use Facebook until he or she were at least in high school for a year or so. But that’s a parenting issue…so I’ll leave that one to the parents. Perhaps this post will help them to work out these issues.
Don,
Nice perspective about Facebook, surely digital social networks can harm you. I personally feel that chatting on Facebook similar as people who ping on their blackberries or chat with MSN. And yes, signs of addiction are surely mentioned in many of your points. But I disagree with the following:
1. I think you can keep more people in your tight circle if you use SN’s like Facebook. Offline meetings can never be replaced, but online chats can surely help keep relations in a world that is globalizing.
2. More than 20 minutes is just fine I think. Many of us spend similar amount of times on mail. Facebook just offers you a more effective and personal newsfeed. It’s up to the user to determine their priorities and intentions. I think if people spend more than 1,5-2 hours or so then it might be the case.
12. This is not a new phenomenon, chatting has always been addictive. It’s not because of Facebook.
I totally agree with what you’ve said in this article.
I have a grandson who fits #11 since all he does is play some of the games on Facebook.
I have a granddaughter who fits #12 since she spends most of time in the evenings and weekends chatting either on Facebook or some other chat site.
And while I and most of my Facebook friends do communicate and share information several times a week, I have a couple who must spend all day trying new apps and games.
Unfortunately those who need to change their behavior on Facebook are like those who need to change their behavior on Twitter – they don’t realize they only wasting their time.
you said it. Facebook is the ruin of relationships. I wish I could find a way to end it it. It was made for a certain purpose but backfired. Do they even know that people make up accounts with their under age kids kids to make up accounts? How sick is that? Facebook should at least ask for a credit card number even if they don’ t charge. That’s just to verify that’s it legitimate. Chances are that it is is not. I wish people would get together and maybe not end but try to make facebook screen how many accounts are entered from one IP adress. They should ask for a credit card number just for verification of age or you don’t get an account. That’s my opionion
well, there’s no minimum age on facebook, so……that kinda blows a hole in your logic.
Actually there is a minimum age on Facebook, 13: http://www.facebook.com/help/210644045634222/
That doesn’t mean that millions don’t lie and join anyway, but there is a minimum.
Don
Very compelling peace, don –
in regards to Susan, I find a similar problem with #11 – those “games” and “apps” are terribel not only by being time consuming, but by generally being out to get you money. Some of the worst spam your friends with unwanted applications, or drew you in to ‘answering questions about others’, but not being able to see others answers about you – you can find this out, but not who, unless you pay about a fiver an answer! (thinking of 21 questions here). On the otherside I can see it can be a miss out if others play and etc have fun communicating in/out of facebook and your out of the loop – similar to not owning a PS3/XBox/PC game everyone else has.
Those ‘couple who spend all day trying to find new apps and games’ probably just had the system automatically send notifications – annoying and, if you quit the game they c(an|ould) continue.
At least new updates are stopping this kind of thing.
Finnally, if I can add one to the list:
#13 – You check up on someones relationship status by facebook rather then in person. This backfired for me, when a girl had a Boyfriend but it was down as single on facebook.
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GREAT REPLY SUSAN AND GREAT ARTICLE DON!
I HATE FACE BOOK AS WELL I AM NOT SEEING THE POINT OF IT!
Social media especially Facebook is ruining natural human relationships. It is a perfect platform for Empty Minded Narcissists.
FB is not so much the problem it has become a symptom of the many shallow minded fools out there who will eventually destroy themselves and each other by competing to the death about who has the best crap going on in their lives. It is scary to think these people now have a platform to exhibit their shallow personalities to they world now.
Isn’t it supposed to be a facility to keep in touch with people abroad or far away and not your bloody mad neighbour or your friend sitting beside you?!
I was asked for so long why are you not on FB?! I have the answers now after my mind numbing experience on FB and I will escaping from FB soon!!
I can not endure anymore endless poor quality photos of kids faces that only their mother could love or the here we are again pissed or constant quotes and statements of how happy and blessed they are!?! There are a few who know how to use FB properly but for me it has sadly highlighted some people I know as fools obsessed with themselves or material things and showing off. Maybe a lot of these people are deeply unhappy and insecure and are searching for approval. I and many I have ( actually spoken to) believe that FB and general social media has become a bad and antisocial habit. It will eventually make a lot of you unhappy if you don’t control it or quit.
Although I must say FB has done me one big favour. It made me incredibly unhappy and confused at the time but it fully exposed my exhibitionist fool of an next door neighbour when she stupidly unfriended me for no reason ( that I know of ) after insisting I become FB friends with her?! I suspect it was because two of her friends requested friendship with me and we had a good few laughs and shared the same incentives! Awkward now though being neighbours and only for FB.This is the biggest danger of FB.
Great to and reassuring to read all the intelligent anti FB replys to your article Don, Thanks!